I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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