I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
