The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize