she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
