am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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