the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
