Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize