you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize