whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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