My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
