The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
