Only a mothe r could love this liver
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
BRING THE BAGELS
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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