I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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