You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Randomize
