I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
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fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
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Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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