I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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