dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
