wakey wakey hands off snakey
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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