Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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