Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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