So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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