You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
