So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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