the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
