Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
