I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
