i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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