Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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