She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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