Dual....:-)
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
