when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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