bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
