dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
