More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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