I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
