It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
