there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
