Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
