I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
