I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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