I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
