wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
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He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
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The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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