As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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