I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
