Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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