What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
