We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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