How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
