sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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