my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we're making bets on your personal life
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
