question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
