Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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