I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
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I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
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"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you never un-have a 4some
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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