Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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