508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
