Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
