is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
