so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
