Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
try to milk me bitch
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
