So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
