You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dear god my vagina.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
