Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Randomize
