I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Terrible idea I love it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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