You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
