I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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