I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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