so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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