Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
