he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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